I have a thing about judgment. Most of us are self-conscious and care what others think about us. But with me, it’s a little more. Throughout my life I’ve always wanted people to like me and when they didn’t, I have gotten hurt. I would sit and dwell on it: “What did I do to them? It must be my fault…” It’s part of my karma – and my astrology, having four planets in critical Virgo in the 11th house of Community and Friendship. Judgment is one of my major challenges in life.
Judgment is not a one-way road! I, too, am guilty of judging others. We all are. As Malcolm Gladwell writes about in his book, Blink, we make very quick, intuitive judgments about things and they are usually pretty accurate. But when it comes to people, however, our intuition is highly unpredictable. We may catch someone on a bad day or a bad moment, and then make a judgment that he is a grumpy person. We need to realize and remember this. And bigger than this – we need to practice compassion. As in Buddhist teachings, mercy and compassion are the most important virtues.
Last night, while thinking about it, I recalled a conversation I had with a stranger at a party last summer. I’ll call her Emily. We were having a rather deep conversation – the kind I like best – and certainly not typical to have with someone you just met. She was very well-dressed and articulate and told me about something that happened to her a few months back.
Emily had just returned from a beautiful vacation – the kind that brings you back to basics, to the core of who you are – perhaps your highest self. Feeling wonderfully relaxed, she returned to work as a sales associate in a high-end designer shop on Madison Avenue.
A young teenage girl and her family entered the store and Emily went over to them. Her colleagues glared at her, seeming to say “What is WRONG with you?!” You see, in her shop, Emily and her colleagues’ pay is primarily though commission. Because of this, they routinely “size people up” as they walk through the door. If they look like they have potential, the sales people practically pounce on the victim. If they look like the typical tourist, they practically ignore the shopper.
So on this day, just returning from vacation, Emily was the embodiment of her highest self. She was gracious, thoughtful and compassionate. She spoke with the family, so obviously tourists visiting NYC for the first time. The young girl asked questions about the designers, about living in NY, and anything that a typical young girl, craving to know about life in the “Big City,” would ask. Emily was especially kind and spent more than the average time speaking with them and then they left, without buying a thing.
A few weeks later, she was called into the managers’ office. The manager said that corporate had just called. They had received a letter from a woman regarding their recent trip to NY and a visit to their flagship store on Madison Avenue. They had visited several other stores that day but were largely ignored. Only in their store were they greeted and treated so well by Emily, a sales associate. Their time in her shop was the highlight of their trip. The woman explained that this trip was paid for by the Make-a-Wish Foundation, for it was her daughter’s wish to visit designer stores in NYC. She had wished to become a fashion designer one day, but has been diagnosed with a severe illness.
As Emily told me this, we both had tears in our eyes (in fact, I do now). It was so moving and I am sure that her story, which she must tell to many people, has the same affect on them as well. The more we remember the message this story brings, the better we will be.
